Today was a rough day, a very sad day, and while I definitely did not exactly feel delight at all, and I definitely did not smile or laugh at all, I was filled with feelings of gratitude to have good people in my life, thankful for their love, kindness, understanding, and generosity. My husband and I went out to the duck coop to do our daily foot-soaking ritual. The past few days her sore had been getting worse and worse, and today it was unbearable. She could not stand on it, she would not keep it in the nice warm Epsom salt bath, and she actively fought me the entire time I tried to keep her in the bath. It was miserable and so incredibly sad; she seemed to be in an immense amount of pain. After the bath, the scab on her foot fell right off like it was supposed to, but underneath was just an impossibly large and entangled sore that was definitely going to need surgery and a lot of recovery. I felt so horrible; I am a fairly empathic person and I could feel her pain in my heart and soul, and I was overcome with sadness. I haven't felt genuinely sad in a really long time (depression is a totally different feeling than sadness). I cried a lot, and my husband did too. For awhile, all we did was sit and hold each other, crying.
I probably say this a lot in this blog, but I am so thankful to have him in my life. He has so much love in his heart, not only for me, but for all of our animals (and his plants as well!) He is such a good person, and I wouldn't want to have anyone else by my side while I experience this kind of sadness. It was comforting being able to be sad with him. I am also thankful we are so often on the same page about things. I could not bear to see this poor little duck in pain, but I also could not bear to imagine putting her through surgery and a rough recovery period, and neither could he. It was not something we wanted to subject a duck to (not to mention it was going to take a lot of time, emotional and physical energy, and money from us), so I started called around to vets for advice and to make a possible appointment. No one would be able to exam her until maybe Tuesday at the earliest and we didn't want to wait that long to be told the inevitable, that she would need surgery. So we made the incredibly difficult decision to have her put down, to end her pain and misery. A vet in North Andover no longer had their exotic vet on staff, but they were willing to euthanize her, which made me think to ask our local vet, Cape Ann Veterinary Hospital, to see if maybe they would do it, so we wouldn't have to drive all the way to Andover. I called them and while they do not see ducks or have an exotic vet on staff, one of the vets was willing to euthanize her (and just one hour later). It all happened so fast, from the decision to the making of the appointment, but everyone I spoke to was super nice and helpful.
When the time finally came, we brought Midna to the vet. The worst part was the excruciatingly long wait to see the vet. I had this horribly uncomfortable pit of anxiety in my stomach. Finally we saw him, and he was incredibly kind and understanding, and agreed with us that this was the best decision for us to make for her. He took her away to a back room, gave her gas to put her to sleep, and euthanized her. She was finally out of her pain, and hopefully enjoying a better life in duckie heaven. When we went to pay the bill, I imagined it would be several hundred dollars, which I was totally prepared for, but they only charged us $10, because we are regular clients and they felt so bad. It was such an amazingly kind gesture. The bill was actually $165, but they gave us a $155 discount. What good people, not only to take in a duck, but to also give us such a steep discount. Even though it was one of the most horrible days of my life I've had recently, it was comforting (and delightful) to have good people surround us along the way.
With delight (and a lot of sadness),
♥Jamie
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